Who are the Detroit Pistons?

Perhaps the better question is, where are the Detroit Pistons. They hadn't shown up for their past 6 games, and tonight against the Miami Heat, they showed zero signs of change. The same team that dominated the Eastern Conference such a short time ago, seems to be flailing their arms in desperation, as they tumble towards complete irrelevance.

In the interest of venting my personal frustrations first, I must question point guard Rodney Stuckey. If not for the fact that he hails from the city I now call home, then because he seems to have made it his personal mission to destroy my fantasy basketball team, one agonizingly invisible performance after another. Earlier this season, Stuckey seemed poised to become the next Motor City superstar. After having an outstanding holiday season in which he put up games of 40 and 38 in a two week period, Stuckey has seemingly decided to go with the "less is more" approach. Since the All-Star break, Stuckey is averaging a horrid 5 points per game...and I'm rounding up. For a guy who earlier looked to be the next Allen Iverson, Alan Alda has become a more appropriate comparison.

Stuckey's recent problems seem to be confidence related. He is taking less shots, tallying less assists, and is no longer getting any steals, all while playing the same amount of minutes. Head coach (please note - term used loosely) Michael Curry is quick to point out that Stuckey's aggression has seemed to lessen recently. Um, coach...I think that's what you're for. Although, you must give Curry some credit. He was recently spotted on the sidelines with his nose buried in the latest edition of "Coaching For Dummies", so at least we know he's trying.

Critics are quick point to the addition of Allen Iverson as the cause of the Pistons recent struggles, saying Iverson isn't a good fit for the team chemistry. Which immediately begs the question, what team chemistry? The Pistons are a group of proven, talented dudes, none of which seem like they would ever think about hitting up the local Hooters with each other after the game. Especially since Tayshaun Prince now refuses to eat food based on self image issues. Turns out he thinks if he gets up over 110 pounds, it makes his face look fat. Rasheed Wallace - yes 6'11", 230 pound forward Rasheed Wallace - has stubbornly declined his coach's request to spend even a single second inside the painted area, and is still convinced he's a 6"2" shooting guard, who's primary job is to hover around the 3 point line declaring "I'm open, I'm open". And to make matters worse, Walter Herrmann is still on the roster.

If there is a bright spot for the team with the it's longest losing streak in 7 years, it's Antonio McDyess. During the Pistons current skid, McDyess has remained consistent, averaging 11 points and 10 rebounds a contest. He's the solid, bring your lunch pail kind of player who serves as the lone reminder of what made the Pistons so successful for so long.

So how do they turn it around? Answering that question is more difficult than explaining how the universe made it possible for one mascot to throw a ball backwards over his head from half court and have it bounce off another mascot's special zone, then drop down through the hoop. The similarity between the two explanations might be that they both require many things to happen all at exact moments. Firstly, Michael Curry will need to stop crying, remove his head from his hands, and start doing something that resembles coaching. The Pistons brain trust has to realize that Allen Iverson doesn't adapt to your team, your team adapts to Allen Iverson. You hand him the ball and tell him "now run along and make things happen". In a perfect world, allowing Iverson to do so will inspire young Stuckey to do more of the same. The Pistons need to look to Prince to be primarily a lock down defender, and lead by example when it comes to defensive intensity. Someone needs to convince Rasheed Wallace that just because the floor is painted in that one area, that doesn't mean it will start your shoes on fire. Finally, the equipment manager needs to take everything that's in Walter Herrmann's locker and hide it somewhere different every day. Hopefully, by the time Herrmann tracks down his uniform, the game will already have ended.

Under .500 for the first time since 2000-01, should Pistons fans be worried that the playoffs are out of reach? Not really. The Pistons still play in the Eastern Conference, and just about everybody else sucks too.