Slam dunk? Not so much.

For recreational NBA fans such as myself, Saturday night was possibly the most attractive night of the season. The slam dunk competition has provided countless memories for fans in the past. From the unforgettable battles between Michael Jordan and Dominique Wilkins in the 80's, to Vince Carter's super human display in 2000, to Dwight Howard's spectacular performance just one year ago, Saturday night looked to be the perfect opportunity to create more history. Unfortunately, someone forgot to inform the contestants.

Last year, it was Dwight Howard strapping on a cape and flying through the air ala Clark Kent's alter ego that put the final touches on a contest in which Gerald Green blew out a candle in a cupcake that was placed on the back of the rim while making the dunk and not moving the cupcake. So you can see why the anticipation was high for this year, as Howard was now back to defend his title.

For starters, Saturday's contestants were Howard, Nate Robinson, JR Smith and Rudy Fernandez. With the exception of Howard, it's hardly a noteable group of players, much less prolific dunkers. In his first attempt, Fernandez (a first year NBA player from Spain) took off his jersey to reveal another jersey he had underneath with the number 10 and the name Martin on the back. I was so distracted by trying to figure out who the hell Martin was, that I missed his dunk. Since I was DVRing it, I was able to go back and watch it again...turns out I didn't miss much. For his second dunk, he employed current Laker - and fellow countryman - Pau Gasol. 7 missed attempts later, I found myself questioning the meaning of life. The good news is JR Smith's second dunk only took him 6 attempts.

It's at this point I would like to propose a new rule. If you're in the dunk contest, and it takes you more than 4 attempts to successfully complete it, not only do you never get to participate in future dunk contests, but you are forced to go straight to the locker room and read "Sarah: How a Hockey Mom Turned Alaska's Political Establishment on Its Ear," by Kaylene Johnson, from cover to cover before you go to back to your hotel room. For some reason, I think that would alleviate the problem.

That left Robinson and Howard to battle it out. For his first dunk, Robinson pulled out the "toss the ball in the air, catch it off the bounce, and reverse dunk it". Yeah, the same dunk that's been done by at least one player every year since 1986. For his second dunk, Robinson jumped off the back of fellow Knick Wilson Chandler. Yes, you read that right, jumped off the back of another player. That's a trick I did in 9th grade to allow me to dunk. How that warranted a score of 43 in an NBA dunk contest, I'll never know.

Howard did manage to entertain on his second dunk. When handed the ball, Howard looked into the distance and summoned a forklift with a hoop strapped to it's tines. The forklift brought the alternate hoop out to the court and raised it up to a height of 12 feet. Then, as the famous Superman song played, Howard stepped into a phone booth that had also been brought court side, and changed into character. He emerged from the booth donning his cape, and proceeded to make the seemingly impossible feat look unbelievably easy, by taking a pass from teammate Jameer Nelson off the backboard and throwing it down. This was the lone youtube-able moment of the evening.

In the final round, Robinson, did another toss up dunk, followed by a dunk where he jumped over Howard, who stood just in front of the hoop. While it was an impressive show of sportsmanship by Howard, Robinson again used the shoulder of Howard to push off for the dunk. For his final dunk of the evening, Howard took off from just inside the free throw line. That move stopped being cool when a warmup jacket-wearing Brent Barry used it to win in 1996.

Fan voting determined the winner this year, because apparently everything in the world is now being decided in the format of American Idol. I texted my vote in for Clay Aiken, but I guess America didn't see it the same way. Robinson - yes, the same Robinson that jumped off a player's back for one of his dunks - was declared the winner, and I was left to grab a stiff drink, pop in my DVD of Perfect Strangers, and try to forget it all ever happened.